Sheep graze, I gaze. (Lousy pun, I know)

I find myself in a meadow, wearing a red checked skirt and a cotton blouse, feeling the green grass against my skin. I lie there in the soft lush blades of green. Peace has entered my soul. I am one with my Maker.

My ears are tuned to the sounds that surround me. Some threaten to steal that new found peace, some choose to harmonize the resounding silence. As His creation, we both play tug-o-war, as to whom should dominate this symphony. "It is mine!" I cry inwardly. Little do I realize the gift I was pinning for was slowly slipping through my fingers.

The sounds and the noise become increasingly disturbing. I long, and I long...

to initiate, to sound, to make myself heard,

but DANG IT!

I know I should not. I should remain silent, resistant and ignorant to the voices that flows and moves aimlessly.

Yes, aimless... maybe not. Maybe with a purpose, some sort of hidden agenda. But most definitely blind.

So blind, that she herself laughs in stupidity and trust in something, no, someone.

Disgusting. The affair is. This affair.

I long to end this turmoil. The screaming doesn't stop.

Questions keep pounding my head with its massive mallet. Why?

Is it jealousy, or a possessive spirit?

Ah, Kadushk! I have no idea. My head returns to this semi spinning mode, relentless to the taste of calmness. Oh CALAMITY! What have I brought upon myself.

To think about it now, the real idiot, is none other than me. I have brought this upon myself. And now, I must be still and know He is my God. Should I make a single move without my Maker's thumbs up sign, it will be my act of rebellion.

Shut up and sit down. Sleep on it. Once again, I lay my head to rest, upon soft meadows, resting, and gazing at the endless sky, just gazing.